hello my dear friends lifes still a bit shitty    julie pastfield one of my first loves died of cancer last sunday of cancer at 45    i didnt go to the funeral as im washed out by the grim reaper stalking friends and family    i went to her grave the next day to say goodbye    and found a whole lot of peace walking along the rows of people i know there were so many names i knew and recogneised    it was raining stair rods    but it didnt matter because i was with friends    some one said to me they wasnt scared of dying it was being forgotten    julie    that aint going to happen as little bit of my heart will always be yours girl    at the moment i havent been arsed to do anything   no motivation i guess     it all seems to damded hard    packed up plastering now gone back to landscaping    done a garden local   nearly punched out all the pickering neabours ranting and raving over 2inchs of boundry line     very lucky people as i held my temper    now i just call them snakes in the grass    as there all nice talking to you then try to stab you in the back     now i just stand and stare and they all run away    it works for me    lifes to short to be arsed with these people    its so damded petty   and they know im not in any mood to be pissed off right now    so there you have it    i.ll be back later when my emotions have cooled    and im in the right frame of mind     lots of love and best wishes my friends see you soon     the sorrowful one

its 3pm im upset pissed off and angry my     brother in law hung himself last saterday    he cut a lenth of washing line    tyed it to the loft rafter and dropped    my sister and family are in bits     and iv got to be happy today at my best friends wedding at 2oclock today    so its going to be a weird day eh     what mental frame of mind must he have been in to do such a thing     all planed    leaving money for the kids hols and all     post mortems was today  buriel friday i hope    this is why i havent been around my dear friends     but i will see you all soon cos life goes on     lots of love barry  

 well the time is nigh    its surgery time    its wierd im looking forward to getting my life back    but i aint happy about going under the knife    still i.l be a sleepezz    i was going to go in fancy dress maybe the grim reaper    but as my lynn said it wouldnt be good for the others    so i.ll get lynn to write be gentle on each bum cheek as my jack jones is bound to show in those tiny gowns lols     i.l let you know how i get on as soon as poss    i will see you all soon my spacey friends                p/s may all your dreams be saucy ones lols  barry out

magician  pulls out a bloke in a club and asks for the mans watch   which he puts in a hankachief he then smashes it with a hammer    he does his magicians bit    but the trick dont work    now the blokes pissed so the magician says   he.l buy him lunch   so they tuck in to a big dinner     and then desert comes    a big cream dounut   man breaks into dounut guess what he finds you got it    jam

well im totaly off haddock         thanks to my lady love    the first time she cooked i knew i was doomed   very limp chips    out of a can and frozen dinners    say no more    she went to get a turkey on our first christmas and came back with a   capon   some turkey    well back to haddock    was in asda saw a kilo bag of smoked haddock   thats mine i thought    couple of weeks ago    lynn asks if i want this haddock   no probs   luvly jubly half hour later   she comes in with the biggest pile of fish you have ever seen    not 3 or 4 fillets   but a whole kilo two and a half pounds of the stuff     now i like fish so i tuck in after the first pound im lagging     then in comes lynn with half a dozen slices of bread    god help   me but being me    dont want to waste all this protein and upsetting the old lady     i wade thought im a bloody   hero  all     gone   bread and all now       instead of having a   juice belly     im now a   fish belly   i wouldent mine but iv been  burping haddock for four days now      hate that smelly fish    so no more fish din dins for me for a while

 

well my spacer friends    the time has come for change     i.e big time    me i have allways been a man who takes chances sometimes   i crash and burn    sometimes i do all right     so im moving    im selling up and vacating the country    the wifes up for it so im sorted    its off to greece by the end off the year    im doing the house up    grab me equity    hello crete with luck   i can feel the sun now umm    have been thinking about this for ages   have had major talks with the kids who said go    so now its time    going to buy house high up dont want that global warming washing away my gaff    i also know it could get hotter   but i.v always been a bronze adonis lols   hope factor 40 aint to dear     so there you are    i,l be doing msn international   so as they say kalemera     i hope    getting my old brain cells round greek   going to be a laugh   elbows still crap anyone know were i can buy a bionic one barry

hi there peeps   just a little story about my granson ryan     this baby was had to come by    my eldest had real hard times    first she lost our granson danial at 8to 9 months pregnancy through pre eclampcia    to our great sorrow    he.l never be forgotten emmy    then she had ryan who was born with   cleft palate    what was a big shock   but a brilliant doctor ricky lake  from broomfields chelmsford    repaired his lip at 3 months and his palate at 6 months   you cant tell look at the 7 pics   sorted    now hes over a year old hes makin up for lost time   i call him the teckno kid   no toys ryan    its mobiles computers tellys house phones    he.l put his finger on the   off   button on the tv   and look at me   i tell him no he smiles pushes the button and runs  he tries destroying the  mouse  com cam  keyboard   has phoned the law twice and just wrecks the joint im going to try and jiggle some pics and give him horns tail and red eyes lols but i do love him honest

no not those round dangly things   ribs of course  3 i think   cant breath propley and they hurt like hell    being 50 young and indistuctable   i fell off 2 hop ups    ie beer crates   while plastering a shitty old ceiling     but i aint going to hospital   coz people die there    and i dont care if the wifes threating no pa sex   ie she wears glasses lols so there   so if im not on air as much    im on my back     i wish  barry  but still call im not dead yet

so whats the connection    babies of course       iv never been able to fathom this one    years ago me and my mates were cod fishing fanatics    we travelled the country in seach of big cod from the beaches of england every october the rods would come out be dusted off and away we would go down to dover deal and kingsdown fishing the night tides     so why was all our babies born in july     mine the 11th  21st and 22nd   lots of my mates the same    could it be rolling in to bed freezing cold snuggling up to the old lady at 2to3 am waking her and feeling fruity    maybe or was it the freezing cold weather     had  done something to my    2   dangly things    making me hyper fertile they say dont wear tight pants     or was it the wife comming off the pill    nar    dont go for that one    its me im a baby makin machine       good job the wifes not a big old female cod they lay 2 million eggs god help me    so theres the connection    strange but true    what do you thing my spacy friends

hear about the new viagra    it now comes in powder form    you can put it in your tea    well i tried it damded stuff never worked    but it did keep my biscuits hard   got yar

hello my fellow spaces its nice to be back    thank you for your support over the last months it was well received    but to a darker matter     the banks are up to it again   this time    hsbc    the bank who likes to say jump    hows this for our caring banks    yet again its our kids   who are taking the brunt of there policies students in particular    last month geraint wilkinson killed himself   because of hounding from the bank   a fellow student said he was called up to 6 times a day while he was left £30 to last him the rest of the term this because they cancelled his overdraft     jamie marshall   had the same problems he went over his overdraft  Aaron robinson24   was on there hit list after finishing his degree   they demanded he repay off in full a   £2000 student overdraft    or face serious repercussions they even badgered his parents from 6 in the morning to 10pm at night     pauline broomes son    was called 6 times a day for three months     hsbcs   comment was i  qoute   we have a duty to   engage   with customers who are in financial difficulty   we dont see multiple calls as    badgering   were trying to get a message to some one in difficulty    well if that was one of my kids  7.11 would look like a party to them     i love my kids beyond all other and for a bank to take one just aint going to happen    remember years ago brazil refused to pay back there depts so the banks wrote off billions overnight     no chance    for our kids   then they sqeeze billions out of us in charges so as i.v said before     fuck em    you kids out there have got to remember they cant throw you in jail      the jails are full anyway     and if your a student what can they   reposses anyway a few cds    so if your feeling harrased    think of this    most parents put there    life and soul   into bringing you up we love you and we will be there for you till we die    so talk to mum and dad a go from there    lifes a wonderful thing and well worth living    trust    i know   hsbc   you know what you can do  whistle

hi there my fellow bloggers as you know iv got tennis elbow    25 years of plastering has taken its toll   iv been on and off work for 2 months now and am pissed off     cant sleep nights      so i watch the box   so flickin though the channels i came across sex sexy its about 3 couples playing sex games   now i aint  no prevert but i was glued they had a section on girls having orgasms could you tell   false or real   sweet   so its  lights sound action the girl lays on the bed the cameras above her chest upwards  she goes for it shes a wriggling and a writhing    mouning and a groaning   i smile   i look at her eyes see how fast shes breathing    she has a climaxe    im sure its real     she smiles its only bloody fake talk about when harry met sally    bugger    now i lived in a brothel for 2 years and have been a man of the world but i was fooled it just shows these women are a cunning bunch  but i still love you all  the prevert

well iv been working up on a roof now for 2 weeks retiling and noticed a new hair saloon opening down below well at the moment iv got a   freddy boswell   i.e bread series  so i thought id give it a go   kind hearted me   so i walk in theres bob marley wailin    im screwed    my jamin barber gets to work no scissors  just shears hes a wizzin back and forward my silver locks are fallin like snow i tell him i have a parting whats that he says   help  we start talking  hes from walthamstow and has only done his fellow countryman   so now iv got no hair jikes   also he cut my hair dry   then i get my hair washed   its dried waxed and then a liberal spraying of hair spray for good measure    man iv got a bullit head   i pay up and walk out shivering   im a stone lighter   and the only thing on my mind is weres me hat  now dats what i call a bad hair day  i and i  they were reely trilled to see me

wives    us men will never understand them   like today my wife brought shorts the dark red ones   nike  shes prancing around the garden  and i notice a piece of red thread hangin between her legs   i tell her and she calls me a pervert   so i suggest its a designer tampon   and i get a clout round the ear  told you    he he he   maybe i am a pervert

one of my customers told me this     shes got 2 boys 1 is 10   1 is 4  the youngest calls down to his mum that the 10 year old has called him a knob    straight away the elder shouts out i called him a handle      quick thinking me thinks lols

i love my uncle reg he.s always been there for me i class him as my dad the things he does kills me he.s got a real temper . one time the dole office was pissing him around with his money   so he swore revenge   god help them   first part of plan put mouse traps around pidgeon loft the ones that catch them live   wait till you have 30 or more     second part open dole office doors call them all the names and release the above result mayhem thats reg                                                    me mines with the local council over council tax  my wife was late with a payment so they wanted the rest of the years money in one go    yer right   how to screw em    i have a cunning plan   go round all the banks and get 986 squid in small change   damned carriers weighed a ton   then i go in and pay up  they wont take it   voices raised   i explain its law they have to take it   security guard arrives   i tell him i.ll put him on his arse   temper rising    so they start counting   every ones laughing   i sit down open another bag get out flask and sarnies and smile  got yar p/s 2 weeks later a guy does the same thing a grand in pennies in a tescos trolley they have to get security to guard his trolley     sweet

same old routine   have a cuppa rosie  lock up house  charge mobiles  off to bed then i lay there trying to sleep  its june its hot im sweating   i close my eyes and listen   first sounds    bib  bib  bib    stradle carriers in the docks loading and unloading containers through the night    then i hear the deep low thud thud of the ships sailing up the river on the rising tide   then if that wasnt enough the raw of steam being vented from the power station between 1 and 2 am   bloody noise  whats that    shit its that evil sound   bzzzzzzzzzzzz   its a mozey looking for prey what shall i do   should i pull the covers over me   but off the old lady so she takes the hit   sounds good   then i look at her  god shes so fit  my little hot water bottle   no contest i take the hit    hope it dont take an armfull